“Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go.” -unknown
I’m reflecting on that today.
Two years ago, fall ushered in the golden ginkgo leaves in Chengdu. It was such a beautiful, breathtaking display.
Our complex made pictures out of the Gingko leaves!
This year, we woke up to our second fall in South Texas. A second of something in this place. Although we don’t have the bright colors of the Ginkgo trees in Chengdu, or the Aspens in the Rocky Mountains or the bursting display of color in the Missouri Ozarks, there is a slight chill in the air, and blankets are being drug to the porch.
The birds are putting on a show as they migrate through our city. My eyes are caught upwards as they spiral down to land for a break at the wetlands across the street.
In our yard, the rabbits and chickens seem to take on new life as they frolic in response to the break from the oppressive heat.
There is excitement in the air. An expectation of what is to come. I light a candle and a boy bounces downstairs in response to the scent that whispers that fall is here.
The rhythm of the changes in seasons causes me to pause and reflect on what needs to change in my life. What do I want to take with me into this next season, and what do I need to leave behind? This particular season comes riddled with the oppressive weight of COVID, politics, and unrest. I squirm at the hint of conflict, so I have been squirming a lot lately. But, I’m learning to balance gratitude for what was, while trusting the Lord as I push forward into the unknown and uncertainty of what is next. I’m asking the question, what do I need to let go of in order to make room for something new?
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
I have been thinking a lot about planning lately. I am a planner. I always have been. However, my adult life has not gone exactly as planned. I planned to go to college (check), be a teacher (check), get married (check), have kids (check), and settle down and raise a family. To me, that meant putting down roots somewhere. Turns out, that part was not what was in store for me. If I’m honest, I have let bitterness and resentment creep in at times. If I’m even more honest, I have often let it stay for far too long.
I know I am not alone in that. We have all experienced unmet expectations at various times in our lives. But now, we are living in one big, collective unmet expectation. Planning sounds like a bad word.
So I want to be clear, that as I share our homeschool plans, I do it with somewhat of a heavy heart. I know that homeschooling is not for everyone. I know that nothing feels like the right answer. I know that if you do choose homeschooling in this season, there might be grieving that goes along with that choice. Resentment, even?
My prayer for each person that reads this, is that God will give you clarity and peace as you make a choice for your children this school year.
And if I may encourage you a little with what God says about our plans?
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 NASB
“The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9 NASB
“Many plans are in a man’s heart, But the counsel of the LORD will stand.” Proverbs 19:21 NASB
Lean in to where He is leading you. Trust Him. He will guide your way.
I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out— plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Jeremiah 29:11 MSG
I am (slowly) learning that my plans were not always the best for me or the people I love. I am learning that trusting the Lord’s plans for my life is a much sweeter place to live. And I am learning to count the blessings along the way.
I think sharing a little of our story is a good place to begin. I didn’t plan to homeschool. In fact, I think it is safe to say that I did everything I could to avoid it.
I have a degree in education from the University of Texas and taught 6th grade for one year at a middle school in Houston. After getting married, my husband and I moved to central Texas, and I landed a job as the Education Curator at a zoo. I was quickly introduced to the world of informal education and fell in love with teaching in that capacity. After starting our own family, I assumed our children would go to public school. If I met someone who homeschooled their children, I would feel compelled to say that I would never be able to do that. I didn’t necessarily feel that it was wrong for them, I just thought I knew that it was not right for my family.
When it was time for our oldest to head to Kindergarten, he was filled with so much excitement. He loved learning and loved people, and he couldn’t wait to go. When school started, the excitement quickly turned to dread, and suddenly our bubbly boy was coming home from school in tears, saying he wasn’t allowed to learn. We assured him that it would get better, that it always takes awhile to sort out a new class, and encouraged him to be patient. Unfortunately, things did not improve for him, and continued to get worse. We met with his teacher often, identified that he was bored, and tried to come up with solutions. He tutored other kids in class, was a teacher’s helper, and he loved those times. But there was still a huge chunk of the day where he was literally bored to tears. He came home every day with stacks of completed worksheets, along with stacks of blank paper with his own stories and drawings, and buckets of tears. I was concerned that if this continued much longer, his desire to learn would be squashed completely. Before Christmas break, I withdrew him from public school, with the intention to homeschool short term while we figured out an alternative.
Our first semester of homeschooling went well. My son’s excitement for learning quickly returned, but I was convinced the situation was temporary. I assumed we would reconsider public school again the next year, and also spent a lot of time researching alternative educational options for him. We had friends who attended a university model school, and after attending an open house, we applied. That following year, he thrived in an environment with a teacher who challenged him. He went to school two days a week, and was sent home with work for the remaining three days. This seemed like a perfect fit for our family. He received outside instruction, a consistent peer group, and I got a break. He spent one and a half years there, and continued to grow in his love of learning.
When my oldest was in 3rd grade, and middle in 1st grade, the company my husband was working for filed for bankruptcy. My husband was offered a job in a new town, and we moved three hours north.
After our success with the university model approach, we applied to the university model school in the new town. It turns out all university model schools are not the same. My boys were pushing worksheets, and again in tears over not being able to learn. But this time, it was two of them. I was still not ready to embrace homeschool, and after many friends and neighbors spoke highly of the local public school, we decided to give public school another try. And it was good. There was a specialist who advocated for my boys in ways I didn’t know how, and before I knew it, they were both accelerated a year in math. The teachers, administrators, and staff made my boys feel known and loved.
Unfortunately, after a year and a half there, my husband was transferred to a new city, and my boys had to say goodbye to their new found friends and community.
After our successful public school experience, I focused our home search on an area in our new city where the schools were known to be some of the best. All three struggled tremendously during the transition. I dismissed their complaints as being the new kid again, encouraged them to push through and prayed that things would get better. The new school district did not accept the accelerated math from the previous district, and my oldest had to attend grade level math during the day, in addition to taking an online course at home in order for them to accept the acceleration. When that semester ended, we were all more than ready for summer break. With a few new friends, I was convinced things would get better. They didn’t. Although other families and children seemed to thrive, mine didn’t. My oldest was bullied incessantly, and all three were in tears for various reasons. My youngest cried and fought me every morning that he did not want to go to school, and my middle son was showing signs of depression and anxiety. I knew something needed to change.
I looked into university model schools in the area, and found that there was one up the road from us. I went to an information meeting, and was cautiously optimistic that this might be the answer. I signed the boys up to shadow for a day and prayed and worried most of the time they were there. When I went to pick them up, I was greeted with kids smiling ear to ear, and exclamations that it was the best school ever. The school was willing to take the younger boys mid year, and we made the switch. A few days in, I had my boys back. They loved their new school, were learning amazing things, and we were starting to feel like we were part of a precious community. Things continued to get worse and worse for my oldest, and I withdrew him a few weeks before the end of the school year, with the intention of him attending the university model school in the fall.
That summer, we received news that we were moving again. This time, to China. Not knowing what the international school system looked like, we decided to homeschool during our time there. However, the Chinese Communist Party confiscated most of our homeschool books in customs. After meeting some expats that attended a specific international school, we decided that would be the best option for our boys going forward. Although there were some challenges, it was truly a gift. My oldest was recognized as Most Outstanding in Science and Technology in the 7th grade, after only attending one semester. They were challenged academically, and again, all three boys felt known and loved by the teachers, administrators, and staff.
Our time in China was cut short, and we left a year earlier than we expected. We were heading back to Texas, but again, to a new city. This time, when all three boys asked to be homeschooled, I didn’t hesitate. They needed familiar in the midst of all the change. We needed time to process the previous year’s culture shock, subsequent reverse culture shock, and years of moving. For the first time in 8 years of having school aged children, I had complete peace that this is what we needed to do.
We are wrapping up our year of homeschool that was carefully planned over months of research. We still experience good days, bad days, and everything in between. Overall, it is working, and we know without a doubt that it is what the Lord has for us for now.
You may not have moved 6 times in the last 12 years (more on that later), but you were just thrown into a very unexpected, unplanned situation. Maybe you are trying to navigate how to work from home with children schooling from home, while dealing with the stress and anxiety of a global pandemic? My heart goes out to you. I have felt so burdened for everyone in this situation, and yet, so proud to watch everyone gather and share resources, and dedicate yourselves to making this happen.
There are many reasons to homeschool. And many reasons not to. Although a global pandemic was never one of my reasons, I want to offer some encouragement in this season. I think we can take this opportunity to show love to our children in a very unique way. You were made for such a time as this. I am praying there will be a revival of truth, beauty, and goodness in homes across America and around the world.
Be kind to yourself. It will take a few weeks to find your rhythm. And my boys and I will be sharing more about how we are finding ours.
The resources below have encouraged and guided me during our transition to homeschool. I highly recommend all of them. As always, feel free to reach out if you are looking for specific advice. I certainly don’t have all of the answers, but I might be able to guide you to someone who does!
In Every Season 